Sunday, February 15, 2015

Great wrestling moments in cinema

The Herschell Gordon Lewis "tribute" Blood Diner boasts scads of subplots, but the best one involves a cannibal chef taking on a wrestler named Jimmy Hitler.  Note the NWA rip-off logo and the fact that Jimmy Hitler does not even try to use a little bit of a German accent.  It's just like some guy from Cleveland walks out and says he's Jimmy Hitler, just as if Kamala would've shown up and said, "Hey, I'm the Ugandan giant or whatever" in his Mississippi twang.  This! Is! Wrestling!

John Waters allegedly idolized Gorgeous George, but (to my knowledge) includes wrestling in only one of his films, the sublime Desperate Living.  In the scene below, Rasslin' Rita (Susan Lowe) puts the hurt on "Big" Jimmy Dong, "The Human Blockhead".  So, see, Candice LeRae did not fucking invent intergender matches!!  Waters also loved H.G. Lewis, which is apparent in the eye damage that closes out this ***1/2 bout and send Rasslin' Rita into exile in Mortville.

The best always comes last, as this Asian thing called Golden Queen's Commando is stuffed plump with insanity.  So much so that the scene below is probably the second craziest kill scene of the movie's first ten minutes (two words: Bible gun).  We learn things from this brief clip.  Women in general love to flip all around, not just Manami Toyota.  In order to succeed as a wrestler, you have to know how to hide spiked gloves in your tights without castrating yourself.  In Mongolia, it's totally legal to burn off your opponent's face with acetylene torches.  And tiny Asian despots are better at cutting heel promos than almost everybody currently in wrestling.  Enjoy!

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